Why We Get Stuck in Trauma Responses

Trauma has a way of lingering, sometimes long after the danger has passed. Have you ever noticed that certain situations seem to set off alarm bells in your body before your mind can even catch up? Does your heart race when someone raises their voice? Do you feel frozen and shut down when you feel criticised? If you’ve ever experienced this, you know how frustrating it can be. You know you’re safe now, but your nervous system didn’t seem to get the memo. Well, I’m here to tell you: You’re not broken, and you don’t have to stay stuck.

Luckily, today, we have access to a wide range of trauma therapy tools to help us heal. Today, I want to break down why trauma responses stick around and what we can do to help.

Your Body’s Survival Instincts: Doing Their Best, Even When It’s Not Helpful

Your nervous system is built to keep you safe, and it’s actually really good at its job. (Sometimes “too” good.) When something scary or overwhelming happens, your body jumps an automatic trauma response of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. (You can read more about these trauma responses on my blog post Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Explained here.)

If the danger passes quickly, your system should settle back down; however, sometimes this doesn’t happen. Even more so, if the trauma is ongoing (like childhood abuse or neglect, repeated betrayals, or years of stress), these reactions become increasingly wired into your system as the default. Instead of being an occasional emergency response, they become patterns and a way of life.

Why Trauma Responses Stick Around (Even When We Don’t Want Them To)

This may not make sense right now, but your mind and body aren’t trying to make life harder for you. Your system is trying to protect you the best way it knows how. Here are some reasons these trauma responses can feel like they have a mind of their own:

Unprocessed Traumatic Memories: Some experiences are just too overwhelming to fully process at the time. Instead of getting filed away in the “past,” they stay present and raw, like an open tab on your computer that keeps running in the background, slowing everything down.
Nervous System Overdrive: Trauma can leave your system stuck in high alert (hyperarousal—hello, anxiety and panic) or low-energy shutdown (hypoarousal—feeling numb, disconnected, or just plain exhausted).
Survival Strategies That Overstay Their Welcome: If a response like people-pleasing (fawning) or shutting down (freezing) kept you safe in the past, your nervous system might assume you still need those strategies—even when they’re hurting you more than helping you now.
Deep-Rooted Beliefs: Trauma can plant some pretty painful messages in our minds, like “I’m not safe,” “I have to be loved,” or “I can’t trust anyone.” These beliefs don’t just sit in your head; they shape how your body reacts to the world.

Rewriting the Story: How IFS and EMDR Can Help

Here’s the hopeful part: trauma responses don’t have to be permanent. As deeply ingrained as these patterns may be, they are totally changeable. Just as there could have been a time in your life before these patterns took hold, there can be a time after them. As a therapist, I have had the privilege of watching countless individuals achieve this healing. This is where I have seen Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) shine.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy helps you connect with the different “parts” of yourself that carry trauma, and trauma responses. For example, maybe one part of you is always hypervigilant, scanning for danger, while another part shuts everything down to avoid getting hurt. In IFS therapy, we work together to create safety to interact with these parts enough to build relationships with these parts. Over time, this gives you more choice and control over how you respond to life’s challenges.
EMDR Therapy rewires the way traumatic memories are stored in your brain. Instead of feeling like a fresh wound every time something reminds you of the past, those memories can be properly processed so they lose their emotional intensity.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck

If you’ve been feeling like your trauma responses are running the show, know this: healing is possible. Your nervous system can learn a new way of being—one that feels safer, more connected, and more like you.

If you’re ready to explore what healing from trauma could look like, I’d love to help. I offer trauma-informed therapy with warmth, compassion, and a deep belief that you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Let’s talk. I’d love to support you in your healing journey. Schedule a free consultation and we’ll take that first step together.

Schedule your free consultation today.